CSO Program
Carbon-Neutral Outrage Kits
Pre-assembled freakout supplies sourced from FSC-certified suppliers.
The Problem
The average household freakout requires 12 disposable items — single-use grievance pamphlets, foam fingers, plastic-handled signs, and at least one pre-packaged hot take. The carbon footprint of a single suburban tantrum exceeds that of a transatlantic flight by a margin we are not yet legally permitted to disclose.
How It Works
We source
Every component — from the cardboard pitchfork backing to the soy-ink slogan stencils — comes from FSC-certified, fair-trade, climate-positive suppliers. We audit our suppliers quarterly. They audit us back, which is unusual.
We assemble
Kits are packed by hand at our regional fulfillment cooperative in central Oregon. Workers are paid a living rage and receive comprehensive emotional benefits.
We offset
Every kit ships with a Verified Outrage Offset™ certificate covering the projected emissions of its entire useful lifecycle, including the after-meltdown recycling phase.
By the Numbers
2.3M
Kits distributed since 2017
0.4 kg
Average lifecycle CO₂e per kit
11
Suppliers we have stopped working with
Voices of Responsible Outrage
Eight CSO members share what this program means to their practice.
“Used to keep four single-use freakout kits in the truck. Now I carry one CSO kit and a reusable pitchfork. The job site is calmer, and I feel calmer about being calmer.”
Caldwell Briggs — Construction Foreman
“I've vetted three of these kits in my own consulting practice. The supply chain is real. The offsets are real. The bamboo handle is — frankly — better engineered than my surgical instruments.”
Dr. Moira Petrescu — Cardiothoracic Surgeon
“I bring a kit to every PTA meeting. Other parents have started asking where I got mine. The recycled cardboard slogan inserts are the highlight of the entire night.”
Linda Morrissey — PTA Board Chair
“I keep a kit in the vestry. Officiating weddings has shown me that not every overreaction can be prevented, but every overreaction can be sustainably outfitted.”
Rev. Thomasina Oakes — Wedding Officiant
“We provision our entire engineering org with CSO kits. Per-incident emissions dropped 71% in the first quarter. The cardboard pitchforks are surprisingly durable.”
Eleanor Whittaker — Head of Engineering
“I have included a standing order for outrage kits in three estate plans this year. The Campaign accepts deferred fulfillment. This is unusual and admirable.”
Priscilla Voss-Bingham — Estate Executor
“The kit packaging is genuinely beautiful. We featured it in a moodboard for a client. They placed an order for forty.”
Nina Cabrera — Creative Director
“The kit comes with everything. Soy-ink stencils. Reusable foam fingers. A composting bag for after. I keep one in the glove box.”
Tony Mazetti — Contractor
Support Carbon-Neutral Outrage Kits
Your contribution funds this program directly through our regional cooperative network.
Donate to This Program